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Fifteen Years of Unicorn Hole

by Unicorn Hole

  • Digital Album
    Streaming + Download

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So the conflict begins as the gang enters Shinrin A short search reveals the discord within It seems most everyone in the town Is on edge about the ongoing showdown Ulric- the name has been dragged through the mud A blacksmith who now has some bad blood With Larv- a local kobold laborer Who’s esteemed enemy Ensured an uproar would occur Due to his local renown The gang easily tracks Ulric down “I am a blacksmith for the king’s royal army A shaper of steel, just as Larv used to be “But my skills far surpassed his He became redundant here Now he tries to tarnish my trade, so it appears But I am far too revered!” The group tracks Larv down for a word They’ll chat with him as he works- as he prefers “Ulric’s unfaithful to the king he serves Many of his products go to a side reserve “He should keep our great Elluryah safe With his profound skill Instead he sells to scoundrels To keeps his pockets filled I have produced a light gem- unreal but it’s true To prove my rectitude I’ll show the stone to you!” Grub and the girls aren’t sure what they should believe It seems that to some end they are being deceived Kat says both seem so honest Astrid says they both tell lies The townsfolk are on edge but cannot spot the guise The gang will take Larv up On his offer to inspect the gem They decide it wise to bring Ulric along with them The foes meet face to face Their claims they’ll have to stand up for But before progress is made A gang of bandits kicks in the door
Lived in the shadow of the mountain I sat beneath the tree at night I said exactly what I thought I didn't care enough to lie My own father is disgusting, and my mother is too The wickedness in them I also saw in you The only honest folk I know A family of wretched spider beasts Cursed to appear outside the way we truly are beneath I left it all behind, was happy to forget The only one I ever missed was my pet Then there you stood, my pet with you He was happy, I knew that you must be a nice guy too That was the last thing That I saw before I was subdued I wasn't warned, even though I know she knew She knew and did nothing She let me die She saw my end, but didn't try They made me what I am- a monster inside and out I'm not a nice guy anymore So I'll wait for you to put me down
If the stars are my future the moon is my past She glows so that small suns are all but masked I know they're there, but what could be worth Hurting when I am not even hurt? The things in the basement Will never collect dust Move them to the attic Adjust Forward looking back Future past I lack The haze of years of days I choose to bear that cross The ghost images I choose never to degauss Obsolete machine with heavy glass screen Colors the darkness, flashes in between Static snow, it falls Lengthening the halls Still she calls
The ends justify the means So just make do and make ends meet
Sparks fly, flames erupt Sands stream and sting in sudden gales Dazed and displaced by torrents abrupt As two witches clash to see who will prevail Kat, 14, a prodigy- noble, but a bit naive Astrid, 16, gives it her best- no moment is spared for rest Light radiates from within balled fists The gems that bring their powers to exist All five elements, nature's full force Through these girls such powers course A grin extends Kat's face, bright as the crescent moon Astrid more zeroed in, her movements well attuned Their gemstones' energies nearly fully consumed Something has got to give, the scale must tip soon Lightning explodes from Astrid's hand Rampant, lethal, charges no man could withstand But Kat has her own electric stone Neutralizes the bolts as they are thrown- skill well honed Kat blasts gusts robust to render her foe prone And pin her down with gravel summoned from her earth stone Fireballs soar through the air, roar toward their target square A sudden surge of water leaves nothing there Once-precious stones cast aside as they go grey Lest they be grabbed by mistake and thus betray Like night and day they trade.. "That's enough- well done, girls" Ghael calls off the friendly feud "Hey, I've got money riding on this!" Grub jokes and adds "how rude!" "Awesome as always" Kat says Astrid agrees, "I nearly had you too!" Ghael says "I'm quite impressed Now quickly rest, you've more yet to do"
Two-thousand meters, where I draw the line And then upon your twisted body I will dine This mountain belongs to me The howling winds are a banshee You should have heeded her song Because you won't be on this earth for long Headed where you belong Ski as fast as you can, heart pounding, panic sets in Your skill might buy some time, but you simply cannot win You belong to me You don't get to ski free What's left of you is lost beneath the falling snow More remains lie within than anyone could know I'm not some villain that you get to defeat If you meet me, then you're just meat You cannot ski free, you belong to me
"Sorry kids, but Mr Tough Guy's out" The white robe says with a grin Grub is afraid, not really sure how they can win "Hey ponytail" he says "try pig tails for twice the fun!" "You're all about to die, but I'll admit I like this one!" "We don't have time for this" Says Astrid as she rushes in And prepares to unload an entire volt gem again White Robe raises his hand The lightning bolt connects His grin never wavers, Astrid is angered and perplexed "Be careful burning through your gems You shouldn't be so wild You use up all of those And you're just a helpless child!" Astrid drives a defiant side kick into his broken ribs But he defies logic, and nothing gives "See what I mean?" he asks And throws a swift uppercut Astrid folds around his fist, he catches her in the gut She hits the ceiling and then falls hard onto the floor Kat blasts a boulder from each hand She can't watch anymore A well timed crescent kick Shatters both stones in the air Grub rushes in, knows he can't win But doesn't seem to care His wooden sword goes to splinters Across the white robe's face Boulder debris blocked White Robe's view So finally he is displaced "His power is great but finite" Grub says "So we can wear him down!" Astrid and White Robe climb to their feet Both wearing furious frowns Astrid tosses Kat a volt stone "Together we'll unleash all of our might!" Grub adds "he won't survive that- Go on girls, and end this fight!" Grub is dealt a mighty blow He didn't know it was coming He's not conscious anymore Kat winces as he takes the hit And he tumbles across the floor "Now that wasn't very nice But it does no good to scold Since that punch was enough to kill any kobold" Kat says "we don't have to kill him We'll beat him, arrest him Then someone can heal him" "Oh, wake up! Look- Grub could die! There's no time for this- let's fry this guy!" "Now isn't this just precious? Say, why'd you even bring this one? I think I'll save her for last So she doesn't miss any of the fun" Grub and Garth decorate the floor Neither are able to take anymore Kat's a mess, overwhelmed by stress Wishing they'd never entered that door Astrid is backed up into a corner And too injured to try to run "Kat!" she pleads "I need you To make an exception for this one!" Kat drops the stone, she tries to speak, But nothing comes- she's just too weak Not from the blows that she's taken She's shaken- everything seems so bleak Astrid takes a second gem in her left hand "It'll take this much to kill that man Ghael can pull three stones- she'd kill this guy alone But two gems is more than I can stand "Ever since Kat showed up, I have been second place I push twice as hard but I can't match her pace But when the pressure is on It seems her skills are all gone And all that potential just goes to waste "Tonight I'll do something that I know Kat cannot I must act fast, no time for second thoughts" The room goes white and then The White Robe goes down Lives are lost and the fight is fought Kat checks on Grub, he's got a pulse He starts to wake, seems he'll hold on Astrid is battered, Kat checks on her And she finds that her pulse is gone
Laugh at me- "gay Kirby" all you like But in my nubby little arms I hold your life You think it's a joke- you think I'm here as a gag Until your laughter is muffled by your body bag I rest a wink, you rest in peace Vision goes pink, and you're deceased That's a lovely recovery that you've got there It would be a shame if something happened in the air Left you hopeless and tumbling to your demise It would be wise to realize that I own these skies Music to my ears are your screams This is not the face of mercy Bore me to sleep, yet I'm the one with sing Can't you do anything to stop The Jiggly Queen? I'll pound pound pound you into the ground Pants bound bound bound to end up browned
let's learn about egyptian religion it should be fun let's focus on horus, god of vengeance war and the sun his peepaw's penis was eaten by fish pa used a gold strap-on to grant meemaw's wish horus was fathered by a pimpin bling stick too bad for them uncle set was a total dick set fought hard against horus, but he lost round one when he lost a nut round two set shoots a blast of fire like a demon did i say fire? because what i meant was semen horus won't let pedo-incest-uncle deliver he catches the man goo and throws it in the river then horus finds a salad, and he starts beating it adds his special dressing and tricks set into eating it some gods use lightning bolts to strike down their foes some jizz in salads, hey man, anything goes round three horus is like "hey bro let's race some boats" set's like "that's fine but they have to be stone so they won't float." horus is like "fuck that" so he uses wood set sinks and loses, as all idiots should the moral here is cheat and you shall achieve i'm serious, just look it up, this is what they believed
Ghael gathers the gang “So girls, do you recall The legend of the light gem? The heroes who wielded them And conquered utter mayhem? Hundreds of years ago..” Grub adds “when Ghael was just a teen!” Unamused, she continues “Elluryah was faltering “But a young kobold, with a pure heart Unlike our friend Grub here Produced a shimmering white gem That evil learned to fear The legendary knight and witch Battled with sword and spell The blade bright and blasts of light Banished the baneful back to hell!” The virtuous, the valiant Those who refuse to corrupt or dissent “So light gems are the strongest of them all?” Kat ponders aloud Astrid answers “sure, if you keep your head up in the clouds! Volt gems turn baddies into paper weights just fine” Ghael says “light gems are not benign- They destroy the depraved by design “And rumor has come my way of a light gem bona fide Likely fiction, but inaction I simply can’t abide A kobold in Shinrin town to the east Claims to have bore the stone In the midst of some other dissonance To me currently unknown “Shinrin is in a state of dismay And if we don’t help it may stay that way Find the antagonist, show him defeat Help keep others like us out of the streets” Kat can’t wait to save the day Make new friends and show them her way Despite Astrid’s assertion, Kat longs for a light gem As strong as a volt stone but not fickle like them Astrid’s been itching for her next real fight She’ll prove to Ghael the true extent of her might Grub, the girls’ own kobold friend Will guide them til the very end
warning, warning dumbass alert you hate my music because it's fake you say my music is "a piece of cake" well it is easy, and fun to do but guess what your mom is too
Ghael gathers the gang “Seems a witch from Boraea Has brought trouble to Bristol’s bustle Seems whispers are growing louder We must prevent a public tussle "We have reason to believe she plans to burn a barracks down Her motives are beyond me but we can’t let her turn this town "I helped to save this kingdom all those years ago A fact that damn near every Ellurian knows "Still Phoebe takes in new girls each year Off-colored eyes dumped off with their peers We must preserve what respect remains here We must stop this witch- we must persevere! "Things could be better for us, but I have seen far worse For our kin we fight to prevent what we could not reverse "A certain man who joined the king’s army at a young age Prone to outrage, he seems eager to engage The King’s Right Hand- the strongest man in this kingdom Fought his way up the ranks- all saw him overcome If we spite him we might succumb "Although past misdeeds can never be undone I will break each thread of the web they have spun”


Fifteen Years of Unicorn Hole sees several of Uhole's homies coming together to cover and remix their favorites of his tracks! Download includes all fan submitted unicorn art!


released July 18, 2022

Half-mecha Sasha Unicorns by Leonhart
Unicorn with guitar by Rachel and Ben
Cute unicorn by @babyteethspamm (Insta)
Wacky unicorn by Press Right On
Mustache unicorn by iexplodedagain
Smoking unicorn by TRVSHBXVT

Puking, rainbow pooping, and severed unicorns by pizzadoqq

Background unicorn painting by Matt Semenok


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Unicorn Hole Lexington, South Carolina

Uhole is a nintendocore band from South Carolina, since 2007

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